Dec 2, 2016
Dear Ones-
START KNOWING.
This is something I wrote in my journal a few months
ago.
These words came to me through a powerful internal voice.
Allow me to explain.
I hear voices sometimes.
It's cool. Don't be alarmed. It's all good. I'm willing to bet you
hear voices sometimes, too.
AT LEAST I HOPE YOU DO.
Every powerful woman I know is guided by voices.
Here's a story:
I have a brilliant friend who used to work in academia. She told me
once that she'd been conducting a series of interviews of
accomplished women, for a research project about women's success in
the workplace. On the outside, all these women appeared to have
nothing in common. They came from all different cultural and ethnic
backgrounds, and all worked in different fields -- corporate and
non-profit, secular and religious. But each woman carried herself
with confidence and ease, and all of them had become quite powerful
in their own corners of the world. When my friend asked these women
how they had gotten so far, they all began by dutifully reporting
the same sorts of standard statements about the importance of hard
work, and cultivating discipline, and fostering good professional
contacts, and staying positive, and uplifting other women, and
seeking out mentors, and blah, blah, blah..
Sounds perfectly logical, right?
But then there would come a moment in each interview where EVERY
SINGLE ONE OF THESE WOMEN would seem to get bored with the
questions, or maybe she was just feeling mischievous. Then each
woman (EVERY SINGLE ONE OF THEM!) would ask my friend to turn off
the recording device. Then the woman would lean in really close to
my friend, and say in a conspiratorial whisper, "But do you want to
hear what REALLY happened?" And then EVERY SINGLE ONE OF THOSE
WOMEN would report how — at some point in her life — she had heard
a voice. A mystical voice. An otherworldly voice. A powerful and
certain voice. A commanding voice. A voice that could not be
explained away rationally. And each of these women reported that
this voice had told her exactly what she needed to do next. And she
had done it.
"I know it sounds crazy..." they would say. But it was
true.
They had heard a voice, and they had followed the voice.
It hadn't been easy for any of them, they reported. The voices
often told them to do really, really hard things — things that
often felt like total disruptions of their lives.
Maybe the voice had said, "It's time for you to move to Los Angeles
now" — even though the woman had just signed a lease on an
apartment in Houston.
Or maybe the voice had said, "It's time for you to go to medical
school" — even though she'd just had a baby.
Or maybe the voice had said, "It's time for you to leave that
boyfriend" — even though her parents really liked him.
Or maybe the voice had said, "This religious path is no longer
authentic or meaningful for you" — even though she had been raised
by fundamentalists.
Or maybe the voice had said, "It's time for you to learn Mandarin"
— even though she'd never been to China.
But the voice had come. And whatever the voice said, the woman in
question had taken the enormous risk of deciding to follow it. Even
when it was inconvenient. Even when it was challenging. Even when
it seemed prohibitively expensive. Even when it meant cutting her
losses and walking away from any sense of security whatsoever. Even
when it cost her the approval of friends and family. Even when
everyone thought she was insane.
And THAT'S how she had gotten there, to her place of power in the
world. It really had nothing to do with professional contacts, or
mentors...it was just that she heard a voice, and she chose to
listen.
EVERY SINGLE ONE OF THEM.
So.
I hear voices, too.
I heard voices when I was a teenager, saying, "You are meant to be
a writer," and when people said, "But how will you make a living at
THAT?", those voices were still like, "Yeah, whatever...you are
meant to be a writer." And when I got rejection letters for years
and years, and nobody was interested in my work, those voices were
STILL like, "Yup...you are definitely meant to be a writer." And
those voices STILL tell me I'm meant to be a writer. I'll stop
writing when the voices stop telling me to write.
I heard voices telling me to move to New York City when I was
young. I heard voices telling me that it was imperative that I see
the world, and that I learn how to travel alone as a woman — no
matter what the cost or risk. I heard voices telling me not to
settle for the security of getting a "real job" — but instead to
just work odd jobs, and to keep traveling, and to keep writing, and
to keep gambling everything for creativity and an exploratory life
of the mind. (You guys, I can't tell you how many times the voices
tell me never to choose security over creativity. It's exhausting
and sometimes scary. But they seem to REALLY MEAN IT.)
When I was in my 20's, I heard voices warning me not to get
married, but I went ahead and got married anyway (side note: it's
REALLY HARD for young women to push back against the forces of
culture and tradition sometimes) and then I SERIOUSLY started
hearing voices when I was 30 years old, and firmly married, and
living in a shiny new house in the the suburbs, and my mind and
body were absolutely falling to pieces, and I was supposed to be
trying to have a baby that year, and the voices started screaming,
"OH, NO YOU DON'T, MISSY!" And then I had to leave everything
behind, in order to re-calibrate my path to my own truth. (This was
awfully inconvenient and horrible and expensive and terrifying. And
it's REALLY HARD to decide not to have a child in a culture that
still tells women that having children, ultimately, is the only
thing that shall fulfill them. But the voices were like "NOPE", so
I had to leave it all behind. We call that "a course adjustment".
It's never easy. But you don't get to chart your own life without
making some pretty hardcore course corrections along the
way.)
I still hear voices. I heard voices this spring telling me to leave
everything behind yet again, and to gamble everything for love.
(Very hard. Very scary. Very ACCURATE.)
Where do the voices come from? Beats me. You can call it
"intuition". You can call it "the still small voice within". You
can call it your "inner compass". You can call it "God". You can
call it "Angels". You can call it your "spirit guides". You can
call it your "gut instinct". You can call it your "dead ancestors
speaking though you." You can call it "the flow"...but whatever it
is, those voices exist. And you must train yourself to trust them,
and to risk everything in order to follow them.
Notice that I didn't say, "You must train yourself to hear
them."
I don't think you have to practice hearing them. I think they are
always talking to you. I just think you have to train yourself to
TRUST THEM. That's the hard part.
Learning to trust those voices is a practice that you can
cultivate. Just like any other craft or skill, it is worth the
effort to learn how to master it.
So...Today, I want to tell you what my voices have started telling
me lately.
It's just these two words:
START KNOWING.
Here's the thing about my voices. They can be merciless. They are
not always sweet and gentle. Sure, there are times when my voices
say, "Poor baby! Poor little small one...we are so sorry that you
are suffering, please take care of yourself, and lie down in a soft
and safe place with a warm towel over your head"....but there are
also times when my voices are like, "Oh for God's sake, FIND YOUR
STRENGTH. Grow a fucking spine, woman, and take the action you need
to take right now, and stop wasting time...we didn't send you here
to let you pretend to be damn weak." (Interesting side note: The
difference between THAT voice and my dark internal voice of
self-hatred is that the dark internal voice of self-hatred says,
"You're such a baby, you aren't worthy, you are a scum person, just
curl up on the floor in a pile of dirty towels and die," but the
mystical all-knowing voice says, "We love you too much to let you
keep pretending that you are so powerless...COME ON! Let's DO THIS!
GROW A FUCKING SPINE! WE HAVE THINGS TO DO! WE HAVE A DESTINY TO
CREATE! STAND UP OFF THE FLOOR!!!! LET'S GOOOOOOO!!!!!" See the
difference? Good.)
There have been times in my life (this year, among them) where my
voices have needed to get really firm with me. They have challenged
me, and they have pushed back against my arguments. They will hold
my face in the truth and make me look at it, even when the truth
hurts. They will not baby me. They refuse to enable me. This is
good. They will not say, "It's OK, honey! Don't worry! It's all
good! It doesn't matter — you're doing your best, and everyone's
human!", but instead they say, "Actually, honey, it's NOT ALL GOOD.
This situation is NOT OK, and the way you are behaving is NOT GOOD
ENOUGH FOR YOU, and it's time for you to grow a spine, and
challenge yourself more, get creative, and change everything. Let's
GO!"
But mostly, this year, my voices have been saying to me just these
two words: "START KNOWING."
Anytime I am faced with a dilemma, and I start to feel very small
and confused, and I hear myself saying, "I don't know what to do!",
some voice from deep within me rises in full power and says, "START
KNOWING."
(I even wrote it down in my journal one day, for my entire entry
that day. So that is what this picture is all about START
KNOWING.)
What my voices are challenging me is to realize is that when I am
feeling sad and scared and small, and I keep saying, "I don't know
what to do!" — the truth is that usually I DO know. In fact, my
voices are pretty certain that I always know. Somewhere, deep
within me, I have always known what I need to do. I just don't want
to do it sometimes, because it's too hard, or too scary, or seems
to wild or too risky. Or I don't want to hurt anyone. Or I don't
want to be judged. Or I don't want to lose what I have already
attained. But still — I do know. Secretly, I do know. And my voices
get impatient with me, because they're like, "Look, lady, we don't
have forever, OK? You have all the information you need. Nothing
will change now unless you change it. Make a move right here. Stop
pretending you don't know what you need to do. START KNOWING."
I'm sensing this in so many women whom I encounter these days, too.
They seem stuck and frustrated and confused and insecure and
afraid. They have grown too comfortable/uncomfortable in the realm
of "not knowing" what to do. They come up to me at my speaking
events, and they introduce themselves by telling me about their
injuries and their wounds. Before they have even told me what they
want to create in this world, or who they long to become, they tell
me the worst thing that has ever happened to them. Then I hear them
start spinning and spinning and spinning the same story they've
been telling for years about what happened to them, and how it
damaged them, and what they want, but what they aren't getting, and
why they can't change it, and why this situation is impossible, and
what they wish would happen, and why can't it all be different, and
why it's too late...and then they say, "I just don't know what to
do!"
And I swear to God, this fearsome strong voice starts to rise out
from the center of my spine, and all I want to do is take that
woman by her shoulders, shake her, and shout at the top of my
lungs: "START KNOWING!"
(But in a loving way. I love you all! Seriously, I love you guys!
Smiley face! You go, girl!)
But seriously...this voice that rises within me is not a voice of
judgment or contempt. It's not a disgusted voice. This is just the
voice of the Archangel of Womanhood — a divine force who cannot
abide seeing any woman who has ANY power in her life pretending
that she has no power in her life. Not you, not me, not your
sisters, not your daughters, not your mothers. She just can't take
it anymore. So voice of the Archangel of Womanhood says (out of a
sense of fierce but merciless compassion, and a desire to liberate
us all), "START KNOWING!"
Yes, it's hard. Of course it's hard. What did you think — it would
be easy? Did you think they would just hand your destiny to you,
cost-free? Yes, you might have to risk everything. Yes, you might
have to cut your losses. Yes, some people will hate it. Yes, some
people may never understand and never forgive you. Yes, you may
walk away from the situation with a permanent scar, or a bad limp,
or a battered heart. Yes, yes, yes, blah, blah, blah...
But come ON!
START KNOWING.
Stop saying, "I don't know what to do!" Because I believe that —
somewhere deep in your center — there is some powerful truth about
your life which YOU ALREADY DO KNOW.
If you're afraid of making a hasty decision, just remember that the
alternative is to stay stuck in the same bullshit garbage death
swamp you've been stuck in for years. (I say that lovingly! I love
you! Smiley face!)
So start knowing. Start knowing what you already know. Start
knowing what is so damn obvious about your life that a perfect
stranger could see the problem, if you told her about your
situation in a five minute conversation. Start knowing that you
will no longer degrade yourself with the illusion that are
powerless, that you're in a trap. (Here's the evidence of that:
Tell me your story of how powerless you are, and I will find you a
story of a woman who was in EXACTLY the same situation, and she
changed it. I know...that sounds harsh. But it's true. Start
knowing that it's true.)
Start knowing that you have far more agency than you think. Start
knowing that the story you've been telling yourself about your
limitations, or your helplessness in this situation, is NO LONGER
GOOD ENOUGH FOR YOU. Start being honest with yourself about
something that your body has been trying to tell you for years.
(Listen to your body's pain — IT KNOWS. The body always knows. The
body knows exactly the thing that is causing you suffering, and
holding you back. I had a boyfriend once who I was madly in love
with, but every time I got in his bed, my body would explode into
pain, because my body already knew, "This man is no good for you."
I didn't want to know it, because I was blinded by love — but my
body knew. Start knowing what your body already knows.)
Start knowing the kind of woman you need to become — so that your
daughters can have a better chance of becoming that kind of woman,
too. Start knowing that the universe didn't send you here to this
fearsome planet of change and danger so that you could practice
being more afraid...but rather, the universe sent you here to this
fearsome planet of change and danger so that you could practice
being more BRAVE. (Stop waiting for the world to feel safe, before
you live your life. The world never will never feel safe. This
planet has a nickname in the universe, you know. It's called: THE
ADVANCED SCHOOL FOR UTMOST HUMAN BRAVERY. They do not call our
planet: THE COMFY RESTING PLACE FOR PRACTICING EASE AND
SECURITY.)
Start knowing how brave you are. Start knowing how resilient you
are. Start knowing how resourceful you are. Start knowing that you
are the descendent of thousands of years of survivors, and that
have you inherited all their wiles. Start knowing that the
Archangel of Womanhood loves you too much to let you keep acting
meek and degraded. Start knowing how willing you are to walk away
from all of it, if you must. Start knowing that there are no
victims in this room. (I can't tell you how many times my voices
say to me, "THERE ARE NO VICTIMS IN THIS ROOM." I hate it sometimes
when they say that to me. But the Archangel of Womanhood is quite
firm on the matter. There are no victims in this room, she says.
Period.)
START KNOWING, you guys.
Try saying those two words to yourself in a very calm, very wise,
very ancient, very adamant voice — the next time you panic. Just
say it (START KNOWING) and then breathe. Then get quiet and see
what comes up.
I promise you that your very next thought will be the
truth.
It might not be easy, but it will be true.
And you are ready for it.
Seriously, you are.
Start right there. That's what every powerful woman I know has
done.
Because the voices within you already know everything. But they
can't work with you until you are willing to START KNOWING,
too.
OK?
I love you. Smiley face. Let's do this.
ONWARD,
LG
See post on her facebook
here.
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